the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
