i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
