so let's talk penis.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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