everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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