I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
