I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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