Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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