Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize