Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
