Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
