Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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