bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
