my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
