i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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