Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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