I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
