and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize