So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
