My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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