Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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