It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
