true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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