So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
