Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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