I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
