so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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