Tell her she can't have a vagina
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
