i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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