If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
