I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
