Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
