I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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