Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
