I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
