wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
