she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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