i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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