i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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