as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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