Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
