OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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