i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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