Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
