i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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