i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
