I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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