hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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