Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize