She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
