Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
