Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize