i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize