What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
