You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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