just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
