took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
