Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
