he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize