Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
