I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
