Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
